Dave F.

SANTA CLAUS is an alcoholic. That stark pronouncement may make strong men blanch and little children whimper, but every fact at our command points to its truth. Consider the evidence.

Item: This oddly behaved old man has a red nose and a flushed face, and prances around shouting, “Ho! Ho! Ho!” at total strangers. That “Ho! Ho! Ho!” bit is suspicious in itself. As we recall, the complete quotation goes, “Ho! Ho! Ho! and a bottle of rum!” Or something like that. Now why does Santa leave out part of it? Why is he reluctant to mention the rum? We believe it is just an alcoholic’s unwillingness to talk about anything related to a drinking problem.

Item: This chap is unshaven and long-haired, and goes about in an old red suit which is completely out of style. It even has fur on it. Surely, this shows that he has no regard at all for his personal appearance, and also that he apparently doesn’t earn enough to keep himself in respectable attire. (Or is blowing his wages for you-know-what.)

Item: On the subject of money, here is a gent who can’t make ends meet, yet throws away what little he has and goes into hock up to his eyes, besides. Sure, on occasion you and I have bought drinks for the house during a blast, or flowers and toys for the wife and kiddies after one; but this profligate madman hands out goodies to everyone in the world. Only a dyed-in-the-wool alcoholic could toss it away like that.

Item: By all accounts, Santa Claus works only one day a year, which is sort of a record, even for someone on the sauce. There’s been mention of certain elves who are reputed to work for him, but we can’t verify that they exist, nor, if they do, that he pays them anything. Why his business doesn’t go to pot, we’ll never understand–unless it’s Mrs. Claus who holds things together, as the wives of boozers often do. Of course, she may have money in her own name. Anyway, it remains undeniable that December 24 is S. C.’s only workday. What he does the other 364, we leave to your imagination.

Item: Speaking of Mrs. Claus–how come Santa never takes her out? Is it the problem drinker’s typical disregard for the happiness of his family, or does she just refuse to be seen with him in public? There’s something awfully wrong in a household when man and wife never socialize together.

Item: On the topic of work, how does our subject go about it? On those long trips he takes, does he sensibly drive something like a Ford or Chevy van? No, he uses a sleigh drawn by reindeer, of all things. Horses we could understand, if he chooses to cling to the old ways; but only a dipso would dream of dashing across the tundra behind a herd of deer.

And don’t forget this–it’s common knowledge that he’s loaded when he leaves home. When he arrives at a house, does he use the front door, as any moderate two-beer drinker would? No, he climbs down the chimney! Typical alcoholic insanity.

There it is, all spelled out for you, so make your own decision. We’ve made ours. This S. Claus is definitely a candidate for the club. A few kind souls might consider him only a periodic lush, since he seems to hang one on just once a year; but in our own opinion there’s a lot of steady, secret guzzling going on up there at the North Pole, culminating in that mad moonlight jaunt on December 24.

At any rate, you good AAs from Alaska and northern Canada please keep listening for your phone to ring. Somewhere, some time, late at night, a voice may say, “North Pole is on the line. Will you accept a call, collect?”

J. G. T.
Negaunee, Michigan

A Letter from Santa Claus
(Volume 27 Issue 7,December 1970)

Editors AA Grapevine 468 Park Avenue South New York, N.Y. 10016

SIRS:

I’m an easygoing fellow and can take a joke as well as the next guy. I am sensitive about a few things, however, and you hit on one of them in your December 1969 issue. Some nincompoop had the gall to accuse me of alcoholism!

I am not now, nor have I ever been, an alcoholic. You’ll never see me wallowing around in the gutter with those guys. Why, I don’t even take a drink in the morning. Sure, I have a shot now and then with the elves, just a sociable glass–but a lush I’m not. I haven’t been snockered now for, oh, two or three weeks. I wouldn’t have gotten drunk then, either, but Mrs. Claus, got on my nerves. She keeps pestering me about the booze, as if I was some kid who couldn’t handle it. That’s why I don’t take her out often–I have one short one and she’s in a dither. Who wants to put up with that when he’s trying to have a good time? Never thought of that, did you? You guys are always quick to judge, never look at the other side of the coin.

I can take it or leave it alone. Generally, I prefer to take it. Who doesn’t? But when I want to quit, I’ll quit. Up here at the Pole, I have to drink a little now and then. This is a desolate place. Aren’t I entitled to a little cheer? I don’t begrudge anybody else their entertainment.

To be absolutely honest, I’ll admit I have had a bit of trouble in the past. But now I’ve wised up and started to control my drinking. I’ve switched to beer and table wines–you fellows ought to know they’re harmless enough. If the problem should come back, I’ll just clamp down a mite harder. Self-control, that’s what it takes, just like with smoking. I used to smoke a pipe, but I’ve quit. If I can quit smoking, I can quit drinking, right? But for now there’s no need to.

I’ll clue you in on what prevents a good, two-fisted drinker from turning into an alcoholic. A steady job. In spite of what that article said, I get out almost every day and work. Keeps my mind off the liquor. I go over to the elves’ workshop and give them pointers on speeding up production and improving their workmanship. I may have to quit going over there, though, because one or two of the elves act as if a little friendly advice is an insult or something. Maybe I’ll get a hobby instead.

Everyone knows I’m a great guy–not a coward hiding behind a bottle. Don’t I stay up all night making my deliveries to all the tots at Christmastime? Not many people would do that, now would they? No, I’m okay–I’ve got my thinking straight. I don’t need any of you alkies telling me I need help with my drinking.

Just to show you I don’t hold grudges: If you’ll print a public apology for slandering me, I’ll tell my lawyers to go easier on you in court. What’s more, if you loosen up long enough for one good fling, I’ll let you come to the big New Year’s party I’m holding. Bring your own booze, preferably sloe gin or whiskey. It’ll be your last chance to see me drunk, because after New Year’s I’m tapering off and may eventually quit altogether. Who knows?
Soberly,

Santa Claus
**********
Permission to reprint The AA Grapevine, Inc., copyrighted material in this publication does not in any way imply affiliation with or endorsement by either Alcoholics Anonymous or The AA Grapevine, Inc.

1. What are the colors of our flag?

2. How many stars are there in our flag?

3. What color are the stars on our flag?

4. What do the stars on the flag mean?

5. How many stripes are there in the flag?

6. What color are the stripes?

7. What do the stripes on the flag mean?

8. How many states are there in the Union?

9. What is the 4th of July?

10. What is the date of Independence Day?

11. Independence from whom?

12. What country did we fight during the Revolutionary War?

13. Who was the first President of the United States?

14. Who is the President of the United States today?

15. Who is the vice-president of the United States today?

16. Who elects the President of the United States?

17. Who becomes President of the United States if the President should die?

18. For how long do we elect the President?

19. What is the Constitution?

20. Can the Constitution be changed?

21. What do we call a change to the Constitution?

22. How many changes or amendments are there to the Constitution?

23. How many branches are there in our government?

24. What are the three branches of our government?

25. What is the legislative branch of our government?

26. Who makes the laws in the United States?

27. What is the Congress?

28. What are the duties of Congress?

29. Who elects the Congress?

30. How many senators are there in Congress?

31. Can you name the two senators from your state?

32. For how long do we elect each senator?

33. How many representatives are there in Congress?

34. For how long do we elect the representatives?

35. What is the executive branch of our government?

36. What is the judiciary branch of our government?

37. What are the duties of the Supreme Court?

38. What is the supreme court law of the United States?

39. What is the Bill of Rights?

40. What is the capital of your state?

41. Who is the current governor of your state?

42. Who becomes President of the United States if the President and the vice-president should die?

43. Who is the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court?

44. Can you name thirteen original states?

45. Who said, “Give me liberty or give me death.”?

46. Which countries were our enemies during World War II?

47. What are the 49th and 50th states of the Union?

48. How many terms can the President serve?

49. Who was Martin Luther King, Jr.?

50. Who is the head of your local government?

51. According to the Constitution, a person must meet certain requirements in order to be eligible to become President. Name one of these requirements.

52. Why are there 100 Senators in the Senate?

53. Who selects the Supreme Court justice?

54. How many Supreme Court justice are there?

55. Why did the Pilgrims come to America?

56. What is the head executive of a state government called?

57. What is the head executive of a city government called?

58. What holiday was celebrated for the first time by the Americans colonists?

59. Who was the main writer of the Declaration of Independence?

60. When was the Declaration of Independence adopted?

61. What is the basic belief of the Declaration of Independence?

62. What is the national anthem of the United States?

63. Who wrote the Star-Spangled Banner?

64. Where does freedom of speech come from?

65. What is a minimum voting age in the United States?

66. Who signs bills into law?

67. What is the highest court in the United States?

68. Who was the President during the Civil War?

69. What did the Emancipation Declaration do?

70. What special group advises the President?

71. Which President is called the “Father of our country”?

72. What Immigration and Naturalization Service form is used to apply to become a naturalized citizen?

73. Who helped the Pilgrims in America?

74. What is the name of the ship that brought the Pilgrims to America?

75. What are the 13 original states of the U.S. called?

76. Name 3 rights of freedom guaranteed by the Bill of Rights.

77. Who has the power to declare the war?

78. What kind of government does the United States have?

79. Which President freed the slaves?

80. In what year was the Constitution written?

81. What are the first 10 amendments to the Constitution called?

82. Name one purpose of the United Nations?

83. Where does Congress meet?

84. Whose rights are guaranteed by the Constitution and the Bill of Rights?

85. What is the introduction to the Constitution called?

86. Name one benefit of being citizen of the United States.

87. What is the most important right granted to U.S. citizens?

88. What is the United States Capitol?

89. What is the White House?

90. Where is the White House located?

91. What is the name of the President’s official home?

92. Name the right guaranteed by the first amendment.

93. Who is the Commander in Chief of the U.S. military?

94. Which President was the first Commander in Chief of the U.S. military?

95. In what month do we vote for the President?

96. In what month is the new President inaugurated?

97. How many times may a Senator be re-elected?

98. How many times may a Congressman be re-elected?

99. What are the 2 major political parties in the U.S. today?

100. How many states are there in the United States today?

There are many roads to recovery but by far the one most practiced is the 12 step approach. The Twelve Steps were written by Bill Wilson and became the basis of the book Alcoholics Anonymous which has become known as “The Big Book”. The twelve steps outline a program of action which takes its practitioners through the process of change felt necessary to maintain continuous sobriety. Over the years the 12 steps have been used as the basis for over one hundred programs of recovery from a variety of addictions and behavioral problems.
The first nine steps concern the admission of the problem, the belief that a higher power can alleviate the problem, taking inventory of ourselves, sharing the inventory, looking at our personal character defects, turning the defects over to a higher power for removal, and the making of amends to persons we have harmed. This is the hard work necessary to bring us to the point where the promises of the program can and will be realized. The Promises can only be realized on a daily basis through the constant vigilance and effort required in Steps 10, 11, and 12. These steps have come to be called The Maintenance Steps and are the key to continuous recovery and the peace of mind that we all desire.
One of Webster’s definitions for the word maintain is “provide with the necessities for life or existence” and its hard to believe that our founders weren’t aware of this when they defined these steps as Maintenance Steps. My sponsor taught me in the early days of my recovery to keep a dictionary next to the Big Book so I could look up words as I went along. I think Bill must have made great use of the dictionary when he wrote.
Using this definition it is easy to draw the parallel between the twelve steps providing the necessities for life and existence for those in recovery. This is especially true of these three steps for without them we are unable to hold on to the progress we have made in the earlier steps and our very life becomes threatened. The last three steps of the twelve step program are applicable to all those wanting to hold on to the progress and promises received from the first nine steps as well as anyone who wants to enhance the quality of their life.
So what are these maintenance steps?
Step Ten suggests that we  “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong  promptly admitted it.” As with all of the steps there are spiritual principles attached to each step. The spiritual principles associated with this step are Acceptance, Patience, Perseverance and Vigilance. The step reminds us that selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear are still daily problems that can be dealt with effectively by taking a daily inventory. By promptly admitting our mistakes and harmful thoughts and actions we do not let them fester and carry over and accumulate. The step is like a pressure relief valve keeping us right sized.
Step Eleven says that “We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.” The spiritual principles behind this step include Knowledge, Attunement and Awareness. The step becomes an anchor for our continued recovery by assuring our reliance on and deepening  our relationship with a higher power. As this relationship grows we become more and more aware  of our Higher Power’s will for us. We become more aware of the fact that we do the steps not so much for us as to be of maximum service to our Higher Power.
Step Twelve tells us “having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. The spiritual principles behind this step are Service and Gratitude. Having brought about a personality change sufficient to remain in recovery we are empowered to demonstrate the new principles by which we live, in our daily life through example. We seek out and are available to help others in need.
We often hear it said that we cannot keep our recovery unless we give it away. By the daily practice of these very important maintenance steps we manage through constant vigilance to keep ourselves in right spiritual condition. When we are in right spiritual condition we can give back what has been so freely given to us. By doing this we are able to maintain our recovery. The maintenance steps truly provide us with the necessities for a rewarding and meaningful life as well our very existence. We hope you enjoy our Maintenance Steps Issue and that you all have a happy and joyous Spring.                 ——-Dave F.

Happy New Year! The new millennium is now ten years old and the decade really flew by. The next decade looks promising in spite of the generalized economic woes. It seems as if we have dodged a collective bullet and as the old blues song says “been down so long it looks like up to me”. One thing for certain is that those of us living in a state of perpetual gratitude really understand the “down so long part” so that our lives on “the sunny side of the street” make all the worldly problems seem less painful. I often say that I am truly blessed to be able to be among the finest people in the world simply by spending an hour in a 12 step meeting.

The twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous have become the foundation for more than one hundred twelve step based programs. The power unleashed within the practice of the twelve steps has freed millions of people from other serious and life threatening addictions. Bill Wilson and Doctor Bob Smith discovered the healing power that is received when two individuals with the same affliction share their experience strength and hope with each other. As more and more people join in this sharing, that power is magnified. That said, I will elaborate a bit on some ideas about the many anonymous programs.

Over the years I have watched many recovering alcoholics and drug addicts settle for less. By this I mean that when we put alcohol and drugs behind us our life becomes so good in comparison to our lives before recovery that we often neglect other issues. Many of us then fail to deal with one or several of the other life threatening addictions. It’s almost as if we say I gave up alcohol and drugs but don’t expect me to (1) quit smoking, (2) lose weight, (3) exercise more, (4) stop acting out sexually, (5) stop running up debt, (6) quit gambling (7) put down the caffeine and Red Bull. I know I have been guilty as charged on several of these things by thinking, as I did with my alcohol and drug addiction, that it wasn’t that bad or I would change the behaviors tomorrow. I was 19 years clean and sober before I finally quit smoking. I struggle with weight issues and a recent attempt to cut down on caffeine was half-hearted at best.

It wasn’t until I watched many of my old friends die in the last several years from the effects of tobacco, obesity and generally unhealthy lifestyles that it occurred to me to make some personal changes and to provide more material to my readers about other avenues toward physical and emotional growth through the other twelve step fellowships. I often joke at my latest 12 step discovery, Debtors Anonymous, that there are not enough days in the week for all the twelve step programs I qualify for or have attended over the years. As a matter of fact I have considered starting Meeting Makers Anonymous for people who go to too many 12 step meetings but since attending one of its meetings would only be contributing to the disease I changed my mind and started Mind Changers Anonymous.

Seriously though, it really makes no sense for me to continue unhealthy behaviors or addictions armed with my experiences in AA regarding the solution to alcoholism. If being over weight bothers me or smoking or getting all jumpy on coffee then this very “bother” is something that I didn’t get sober to feel. I can do something about it by applying the steps and tools that were so successful with my alcoholism to other issues. And the good news is, I can do this with others who are having trouble with the same issues. My experience in Debtors Anonymous over the last two years is a case in point.

So aside from being able to write down my thoughts and observations on this topic I am truly blessed to have the platform of this paper and my website solutionnews.org to not only share my experience but also to share a part of the solution. In this issue you will find articles on several twelve step programs that offer help and hope to millions of people suffering from a variety of addictions and behavioral problems. Included are website links and phone numbers for contacting them.We hope that at the start of this new year and new decade that you have the courage to explore the healing energy found in the twelve steps to remove any and all roadblocks to becoming truly happy, joyous and free.

After two solid months of work, including moving home and business in the month of February and putting out a two month publication in one month in March, I finally caught a break for a few days while my friends at the Boca News were printing the paper. Two of my old friends from New Hampshire recently bought a house in Punta Gorda that was pretty much destroyed by hurricane Charley. They are living in a camper and working on the house. They invited me over. So I went to the bank to take out a loan so that I could afford to fill up the gas tank of the Green Hornet Travelmobile and Mafia Staff Car and I proceeded across the state.

The cement, condo developments, tourists  and traffic jams were quickly behind me as I drove through the sleepy Florida towns of Belle Glades, Clewiston and LaBelle. In a couple of hours I arrived in Punta Gorda just north of Fort Myers and South of Sarasota and just across the bridge from Port Charlotte.

My friends and I had a great reunion but since they were working I was on my own during the daytime hours for two days. I got right into my travelling drill and bought a local map, found an AA clubhouse and took off for places unknown. Over the past two years I have been able to partake in my favorite pastime which is travelling to new places and just sort of poking around and getting a feel for the new areas. The advantage of being in the program makes it possible for me to be always close to new friends yet unmet.

There is a lot of water around Punta Gorda but I am more interested in the Gulf of Mexico where the sun sets over the ocean and you drive west to get to the beach. It’s a little disorienting at first but on the first day I find the Gulf of Mexico west of Port Charlotte on 776 in a little town called Englewood. Englewood has a beautiful public beach that is set up in a convenient way. There is a shell parking lot with a machine that allows you to pay for parking at 50 cents an hour. A short 50 yard walk takes you to the beautiful beach with light colored sand, sand dunes and more seashells than I have ever seen in one place. There are bathrooms, showers, and a beach bum tourist shop and a Circle K across the street. Paradise!! All a man needs for a day at the beach.

Being an East Coast Florida guy I  am trying to get a feel for Florida’s west coast and I really like what I find. The Gulf is tamer with no surf either days and the water is a little murkier, not that crystal clear water of the Atlantic Ocean. But the area has more of an old Florida feel and seems a lot more laid back and relaxed than South Florida. Also I haven’t seen a New York Yankees cap since I got over here.

I have brought my basic “beach kit” to Englewood Beach which consists of a Mexican blanket, a cheap beach chair, a container of Panama Jack SPF 30 sunscreen, my camera, a towel, a long sleeve shirt, a Red Sox cap, a bag of pretzel and cheese Combos, a book by Jimmy Buffet, a pad of paper and a pen and some water. Add to this a canvas bag for shell collecting and I am following the tenets of my old boy scout motto “Be Prepared”.

Two of my favorite pastimes in life are tending a campfire or fireplace fire and beachcombing or looking for beach glass. I think it goes back to some primal DNA component that wants me to be a hunter-gatherer. I haven’t been able to earn living at either but I do partake in these pastimes as often as possible. It always seems to have a calming effect and puts me in that place of serenity that I long for.

There is a line in a song by Sheryl Crow that expresses the idea that “happiness is not having what you want but wanting what you have” As I walk for a couple of miles beachcombing, with my mind at peace, totally in the moment I realize that not only do I want what I have these days but I also have what I want. I am truly blessed with sobriety, good health, a wonderful family, great friends, a beautiful design for living and a loving Higher Power.

I always recommend to my friends that are stressed out that they take a break, get away and stop and smell the roses. We all get so busy and time goes by so fast. Why not try Florida’s west coast for a relaxing change of pace?

I was out to dinner the other night with a friend I have sponsored for many years and he said, “Why don’t you write an article about how the program has changed over the last twenty-five years?” I knew right away what he meant. Recently I have heard many “oldtimers” complain about the “watering down” of our program by the combined influences of treatment centers, pop psychology and television gurus like Dr. Phil and Oprah.

People often complain about the use of our meeting rooms as “baby sitting services” for treatment centers and inexpensive group therapy for those who don’t understand what our meetings are about. While all of the above may be true to some degree or other I still firmly believe that the basic principles and practices of our program have not changed one bit.

I was told early in my sobriety to look for a way in to the program and not for a way out. This meant that if my focus was on the negative aspects of people or the program I could find many reasons to find fault and to leave. By focusing on the positive, and overlooking the defects of others and perceived weaknesses of the group and the program, I would find the true healing power of the program and become successful in learning how to stay sober one day at a time.

When I am looking for AA the way it was when I got sober in 1977 I find it in every single meeting I attend.  It is in the hearts and minds and eyes of the people I see there.

The past several years I have become very interested in AA’s history. I have had the opportunity to study and attend seminars with Dick B., a great AA scholar. I have read with interest AA Comes of Age and Dr. Bob and the Good Oldtimers. I have had the opportunity to visit Bill Wilson’s birthplace in Vermont and read old AA documents and Bills writings in his library there. All of this has led me to the understanding that the meeting between Bill and Dr. Bob and their subsequent work with AA #3 contain all the principles and the foundation for the Big Book and the Steps. These principles are alive and well today at AA meetings around the world.

The basic principle that I see at every meeting is “one drunk helping another”. The key to Bill’s sobriety was a visit by a fellow drunk and drinking buddy named Ebby who was able to reach Bill with the spiritual solution because Ebby was a drunk like Bill. Bill would never have heard a word if the message was coming from someone who didn’t suffer from the disease of alcoholism. This was the key.

Dr. Bob was set on the course of recovery in the same way when Bill was able to relate to him as one alcoholic to another. As Dr Bob says of Bill, “(he) was a man ..who had been cured by the very means I had been trying to employ, that is to say, the spiritual approach. He gave me information about the subject of alcoholism which was undoubtedly helpful. Of far more importance was the fact that he was the first living human with whom I had ever talked who knew what he was talking about in regard to alcoholism from actual experience. In other words, he talked my language. He knew all the answers and certainly not because he had picked them up in his reading.”

Throughout my own years of active alcoholism many people tried to help me. They approached me with spiritual, intellectual and psychological approaches. The wisdom fell on deaf ears. My friends and family all wished to see me stop drinking and offered to help but they “didn’t understand” and were unable to lead me to sobriety. It was only when I attended my first meeting and a complete stranger who was a fellow alcoholic offered me a welcoming hand that I was able to hear the solution. It was the first time another alcoholic had tried to help me. It was the beginning of a new way of life.

I see the welcoming hand of AA at every meeting. At some meetings there are so many acts of kindness that I begin to take them for granted.

In 1965 a huge throng of Alcoholics at the International Convention stood and recited these words:  “I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there. And for that: I am responsible.”

Forty years later this personal responsibility is alive and well and the hand of AA is still there. It is the hand of kindness, a welcoming hand, extended from one fellow sufferer to another. In every meeting and  at every gathering the healing spirit of our program is carried out just like is was with Bob and Bill. As we hold hands in Toronto, AA is truly alive and well at seventy.

I was recently privileged to be asked to be part of a new group that was being formed. It could not have come at a better time for I had become somewhat burned out with recent events at my old home group and longed for the old fashioned small church basement home group of my early sobriety. I wished to get back to the basics of group membership and group purpose which has become somewhat obscured these days by the “big business” aspects of clubs, foundations and mega-meeting groups.

At our formative meeting with about 16 interested members we met with the church administrator and the pastor. We were warmly welcomed and given a set of guidelines for the  use of their spiritual home. The guidelines were firm, simple, clear and basically outlined for us how to treat their home with respect. We were to be guests in their house after all and this is how we  were expected to act. Really the list was simple common sense and courtesy that we would pay any host or hostess.

There is an old New England saying that a good guest always leaves the woodpile a little higher than he finds it. This played itself out for me in real life when a friend offered me the  use of his mountain cabin for a week and I offered to pay him. He said, “Just leave the woodpile a little higher”. I instantly knew what he meant and chopped a lot of wood that week.

Hopefully we can be good house guests at the church by thinking of their needs, treating their property as if it were our own and doing a little bit more than expected. In short working our program in this relationship.

At our first business meeting we reaffirmed our personal commitment to establishing a real home group intimacy. We decided to have service commitments including a greeter, coffee maker and chairperson for each meeting. Since we have to set up and break down the room we agreed to get to meetings early and stick around afterwards to clean up and talk to newcomers. We have the steps and the traditions displayed and soon will have the slogans and a “But For The Grace Of God” banner. We are registering our group with the G.S.O., will build a prudent reserve and then donate surplus cash according to the AA Pamphlet “Circles of Love and Service”.

Most importantly we will be committed to our primary purpose and the responsibility Pledge.

Since we have a great deal of experience, strength and hope represented in our membership it was a privilege to be asked to write a short reminder of meeting etiquette to be read  before each meeting. After its acceptance by our group conscience the statement reads as follows:

Your Help Is Requested

The ______ Group of  Alcoholics Anony-mous wishes to restore traditional meeting etiquette to its meetings. You can help us to achieve this goal by refraining from side conversations, not engaging in cross-talk, and by  turning off or leaving cell phones outside the meeting hall. When in doubt about meeting courtesy let the Golden Rule be your guide. Re-member always that love and tolerance is our code.

We need to remember that we should apply the same respect and courtesy and good manners that we use when dealing with the church to our meeting and group. This is, after all, our own spiritual home before, during, and after our meetings. We should always treat the  group and its members with respect. We do this by identifying as alcoholics, following meeting formats, sharing our experience strength and hope, putting our hands out to the newcomer and staying in the solution. By so doing we can provide a well stocked spiritual woodpile for the new sick and suffering members for whom we provide the prescription for a truly New Life.

Dave F.

Being asked to speak on the Big Book at my home group I had the opportunity to decide on which was my favorite selection from the book.  I know that this changes probably daily but the selection I chose was on pages 60-63 on the subject of Step Three. I know that I have personally worn out these pages over the years and I think that if I could have four pages to use as a guide for my life it would be these pages.

Over the years Step Three has been my comfort and solace. When-ever life’s day to day problems become overwhelming I remember that I am in God’s hands and that if I am spiritually sound I am turning my life and will over to the care of God on a daily basis. It is when I take back my will and begin to become the director of my own play that I begin to get into trouble.

If there is a problem in my life I look at these few pages and I realize that more times than not my difficulties are of my own making. The phrase that annoys me the most because of its truth is “we invariably find that sometime in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.” This means that anytime I put my will first and go against what I know is right for me, sooner or later down the line I will pay for it. I will pay by discomfort, fear, anxiety and pain.

How many times have I taken the wrong turn when I found myself at the crossroads of doing what was right for me as opposed to what would make me feel good in the moment? We are always confronted with these choices; in the workplace, in relationships and in our friendships. Did I take a job I knew I wouldn’t like for the money? Did I get into a relationship that was quick and easy rather that remaining in one that required work? Did I overlook a close friend to be with others more prominent or important? Am I surprised that people wish to retaliate?

Step Three reminds me that there is a remedy for this self-centered ness and self will run riot and it is: “Established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in,  as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His prescense, we began to lose our fear of today tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn.”

Realizing that I can only change my own attitudes, actions and behaviors I learn to be responsible for my own life and to take action to change and grow. When the problems in my life are beyond my control I must realize that I am not in charge. This is “the wisdom to know the difference” that we talk about in the serenity prayer. Step Three allows me the acceptance to let go and let God. Be they  financial issues, health issues, relationship issues or family issues, if there is nothing I can do to help the situation I turn them over to my Higher Power.

Our solution : “This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.”

How simple it is!! I turned my alcoholism over to the care of  my higher power and I haven’t had a drink for many years. It works. If it works for my alcoholism why won’t it work in all my daily affairs?. It will!. Simple!!!

Sometimes I think that “AA” should stand for Adolescents Anonymous. With all the talk about the “inner child” these days I like to think of my “inner alcoholic”. There is no doubt that my inner alcoholic is an adolescent. Think about it. Aren’t the symptoms of alcoholism the same as the symptoms of adolescence?

Start with self-centered in the extreme for example. We say that as alcoholics we are self-centered in the extreme, that we have no capacity to care a damn about others, that every waking moment we are consumed with self, that we want what we want when we want it. It is all about us. Ever raise a teenager? We’ve all been one. Does any of this attitude sound familiar?

How about selfish?  We define the alcoholic as selfish; all for me the hell with you. I used to hide bottles of beer under the couch when I had friends over so that when the night was over there would be four or five left for me after they had gone. I used to think that no matter how strong my friendship that most of the people I knew would kill each other over the last beer. How many families are held hostage by the teenager that is not getting his own way? “I want to go to that rave on Saturday night and I won’t stop being a jerk until you let me!!!”

Dishonesty is another of the less than attractive symptoms of alcoholism. I lied so often in my disease that it took several years of sobriety to even begin to recognize the truth of my life. I had to revise the bull stories to closer resemble reality. When I broke a collarbone falling in the street I told everyone that it was broken by a nightstick in a fight with the police. Adolescents are lying machines much like alcoholics; when their lips are moving they are lying .This is probably not a bad thing. If their parents knew what was really going on they would need electroshock therapy to stay calm.

We say that alcoholics suffer from doubts, fears and insecurities. Wow… this is almost a definition of adolescence. As an active alcoholic I often felt that I was not good enough, smart enough, slick enough. I didn’t fit in. I felt alone in a crowd. I was afraid to succeed and afraid to fail. I wanted everyone to like me but was afraid they didn’t. I would do just about anything to fit in. I don’t even have to elaborate on this one. It is a description of the teen age years.

When I speak I often share about an experience that occurred when I was fifteen and one line that always gets a laugh is, “Fifteen is a difficult age, I know this because I was fifteen for seventeen years.” I don’t think this is an exaggeration. I truly believe that our growth and development as normal human being ends when we pick up our first drink. If this is at the age of fifteen we remain fifteen until we decide to get sober.

The good news for most adolescents is that as time goes by they grow out of the disease of adolescence. This is purely a function of normal growth and development and a function of getting older, or better said: growing up. It happens as a process of life without the necessity of a program of recovery.

The key to successful recovery from the disease of alcoholism much like adolescence is that we need to grow up. It wasn’t until I put the toys away, changed my playgrounds and playmates and began the process of growth that I could become a mature and responsible member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Once I had become grown up in my program I was surprised to find out hat I was no longer a fifteen year old and I had become not only a grown up alcoholic but also a grown up human being.

It recently occurred to me that  many newcomers in our program seem to feel that AA is just another group therapy session. With so many people coming into the program straight from treatment where group therapy is a staple of the therapist tool box, most newcomers are not prepared or taught to understand the difference between what in the field is referred to as “talk therapy” and what we refer to as discussion meetings. In group therapy people talk about the intimate details of their lives, their innermost feelings and problems. They share this information for the benefit of themselves, the group and the facilitator of the group. The focus is on the self, one’s own problems and difficulties.

In AA the focus is on the solution to our common problem which is alcoholism. We have developed a rich tradition of language which is not psychological but rather spiritual in nature. We share our experience, strength and hope with each other in order to solve our common problem.When we have personal details we want to share we take them to our sponsors who suggest solutions using the tools, literature, experience and language of our program. We go to discussion meetings to hear the solution not the problem. We are all very familiar with the problem,      its what got us to the program. What we need to hear about is the solution.

You can usually tell during discussion meetings who has a sponsor and who doesn’t. People that don’t have sponsors often share what a friend calls “TMI” or too much information. It makes you want to say “That’s way more than I need to know.” Our individual problems, situations and circumstances are important to us and it is only human nature to want to talk them out but I was taught to keep the details with my sponsor rather than a room full of people.

My sponsor explained that when I brought my problems to him he was aware of their context in my life. He had heard my fifth step, he knew my character defects he knew my life story and history. He was the one individual with all the information. By taking these details to a large group of people and waiting for their feedback I was only shopping for the opinion that I wanted to hear. Also I might hear fifteen different solutions and become more confused.

My sponsor taught me to bring my daily problems to him. He would often do what I called AA diagnostics. He would listen to the details and then make a suggestion such as read step three or say the seventh step prayer every day, or help a newcomer or go to more meetings.

Often he would suggest a topic for me to take to my next discussion meeting. How many times did he suggest  the subjects of acceptance, tolerance, patience, step three, or step six for me to take to my next meeting?

In those meetings people spoke the language of AA and used the spiritual concepts and tools of the program. They shared their collective experience strength and hope and taught me how to apply these spiritual principles in my life. Principles which solved my alcoholism problem and eventually solved almost every other problem that I applied them to.

We can all be more vigilant in terms of our individual responsibility to the fellowship by seeing that our discussions meetings don’t become “whining and complaining” sessions and instead focus on the solution.