We would see each other at AA anniversaries and AA parties and Central House’s Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year’s events. There was always a warm smile a great hug and the inevitable dance if there was dancing going on. I called her my “girlfriend” and once when one of her sponsees was unable to pick her up for the usual Tuesday night Al-Anon meeting I volunteered to get her if she needed a ride. She was sick that week and didn’t need a ride but I always told Helen that she “stood me up”. We joked and laughed a lot sharing the joy of two fellowships together.
It wasn’t always laughter. In fact the beginning of my friendship with Helen occurred at a Central House business meeting. I had just started publishing The Solution Newsletter and was distributing it at Central House. I was always careful to respect the traditions there and put The Solution with non-AA material and I had publicized their events. In spite of this I was asked to come to a business meeting to explain my publication to the officers and get their approval for future distribution.
I did this and after explaining what I was trying to accomplish with The Solution some of the group were skeptical. Helen raised her hand and explained the traditions to the group. She told me that she loved The Solution and thanked me for publicizing their events. That was almost ten years ago and I will never forget her sincere kindness in that moment.
Three years ago I was in a lot of personal pain around relationship issues. Helen and I went over to Cafe David’s and sat outside at a table. She listened to my problems and then offered yet another solution. She told me about Al Anon and how she had been attending AL-Anon not because a spouse was actively drinking but because her AA sponsees were making her crazy. She said that she considered herself a double winner and by attending both AA and Al-Anon she received the very best of both wonderful programs.
I had always thought of Al Anon as “the enemy camp” and had much contempt prior to investigation about that program. In spite of this my personal pain and total respect for Helen allowed me to attend my first Al Anon meeting a little over two years ago. I would always see Helen at the 7:00 PM meeting at the Community Center. She held court there for many years sharing her experience, strength and hope with hundreds of Al-Anon newcomers.
It was in Al Anon that I learned that I had no control over anyone but myself. I had thought that Al Anon was about my relationships with active and sober alcoholics but in fact Al Anon taught me about the two most important relationships, my relationship with God and my relationship with myself. Helen taught me and illustrated for me the ”courage to change the things I could” in this area of my life.
Although I am no poster boy for Al Anon I have been able to direct people to that program and into the wisdom of the people like Helen who go there.
Helen died on Wednesday night after a long illness. I went to a noontime meeting today and there was a flyer with her name Helen Harte and a picture of a heart. The flyer announced a Saturday afternoon memorial service at Central House, Helen’s second home. Her friends and loved ones will all attend. We will bring covered dishes and there will be tears and laughter as we all gather together to celebrate the joy that was Helen’s life and the loss which we will all feel and share.
We will eat, drink coffee, smoke cigarettes, socialize, and talk about Helen. There will be thousands of stories, as many as the many people she affected in a positive way over the years. There will be something missing at this Central House event and all the one’s in the future. Helen will not be there.
Actually Helen will always be there, just as she will always be at the Tuesday night meeting. Just as we all will linger on and on in the hearts and minds of those we have reached out to while on this earthly plane. She will live on in the spirit of love of our program.
A friend at today’s meeting began to cry when I told her that Helen had died. I told her that Helen was dancing with Bill Wilson, Lois, Dr. Bob, Ron Martin and all those who had passed on in sobriety. I just hope that when it is my turn that my “girlfriend” Helen Harte will have saved a dance for me.