It recently occurred to me that many newcomers in our program seem to feel that AA is just another group therapy session. With so many people coming into the program straight from treatment where group therapy is a staple of the therapist tool box, most newcomers are not prepared or taught to understand the difference between what in the field is referred to as “talk therapy” and what we refer to as discussion meetings. In group therapy people talk about the intimate details of their lives, their innermost feelings and problems. They share this information for the benefit of themselves, the group and the facilitator of the group. The focus is on the self, one’s own problems and difficulties.
In AA the focus is on the solution to our common problem which is alcoholism. We have developed a rich tradition of language which is not psychological but rather spiritual in nature. We share our experience, strength and hope with each other in order to solve our common problem.When we have personal details we want to share we take them to our sponsors who suggest solutions using the tools, literature, experience and language of our program. We go to discussion meetings to hear the solution not the problem. We are all very familiar with the problem, its what got us to the program. What we need to hear about is the solution.
You can usually tell during discussion meetings who has a sponsor and who doesn’t. People that don’t have sponsors often share what a friend calls “TMI” or too much information. It makes you want to say “That’s way more than I need to know.” Our individual problems, situations and circumstances are important to us and it is only human nature to want to talk them out but I was taught to keep the details with my sponsor rather than a room full of people.
My sponsor explained that when I brought my problems to him he was aware of their context in my life. He had heard my fifth step, he knew my character defects he knew my life story and history. He was the one individual with all the information. By taking these details to a large group of people and waiting for their feedback I was only shopping for the opinion that I wanted to hear. Also I might hear fifteen different solutions and become more confused.
My sponsor taught me to bring my daily problems to him. He would often do what I called AA diagnostics. He would listen to the details and then make a suggestion such as read step three or say the seventh step prayer every day, or help a newcomer or go to more meetings.
Often he would suggest a topic for me to take to my next discussion meeting. How many times did he suggest the subjects of acceptance, tolerance, patience, step three, or step six for me to take to my next meeting?
In those meetings people spoke the language of AA and used the spiritual concepts and tools of the program. They shared their collective experience strength and hope and taught me how to apply these spiritual principles in my life. Principles which solved my alcoholism problem and eventually solved almost every other problem that I applied them to.
We can all be more vigilant in terms of our individual responsibility to the fellowship by seeing that our discussions meetings don’t become “whining and complaining” sessions and instead focus on the solution.